Seek counsel.

Good advice when I feel I’ve been wronged. Search out a friend or a confidant and share my pain. To heal, we all understand that internalizing the suffering can’t be the only outlet. It requires language and sometimes deep discussion. I believe in that process and I practice it. People who are close to me hear my grievances on many occasions  and knowing they know, can sometimes validate my emotions.

On the the hand, I need to remove my cloak of victim-hood at some point. Perceiving myself constantly as the one who has been hurt is very limiting. As a victim, I am blind to any other reasons or causes for my situation; blind to the motives of my offenders. This vision of helplessness, justifies my feelings of self-righteousness and my over-the-top sense of indignation. I identify mostly in the sympathy of allies and rarely recognize the hurt in others’ eyes. Under this cloak, I relate all past and fresh offenses to my present state and get stuck.

If I can stop seeing myself as the victim while I’m still entrenched in the conflict, imagine how differently both of us would progress. Instead of breaking apart in our differences, we’d be building on the intimacy of our openness. I may even grow.

I’m going to try to put away my cloak for the inevitable season of conflicts. I’ll be warmer without it.

Super Cloak of Victimhood

I’ve been slighted! I’ve been wronged. I don my super Cloak of Victimhood.

It humbly broadcasts my sufferings and secretly strengthens my indignation. Its medicine dulls the pain and hides it in the company of sympathetic ears. It protects me from all attempts to remediate. My Super Cloak recalls my long list of endurances and prepares me for the upcoming onslaught of offenses. I wear it with unjust modesty and it brings me false comfort. Underneath its cover, I have no need for change; no circumstances to consider.

I persevere under my super cloak of victimhood.

B. Toner 2016