I close my eyes to settle into sleep or to take a break from the world that surrounds me. On the few occasions that I practice mindfulness, they are closed then too. When I need to pause from an intense encounter, I shut my lids.

That instinct crushes out most of the stimuli that is beyond my body. Sometimes, it can clear my mind to concentrate or better yet, it permits my imagination to distract me, away from my present circumstances. But where am I when I close my eyes?
It isn’t always completely dark. Often, imprints from my last vision dance across the black or memories circle in flashes. However, when I’m able to experience just the darkness, where am I?

Am I visiting my own foundation; keeping company with my basic self that seems undetectable in the light? When my eyes are shut, I let go of time; jump around from the present, to the future, from the future to the past. I follow no rules, yet I’m grounded to something- something that is authentic, unexplainable.

When I drop that thin layer of skin to block my site, I block input from the outside. I can breathe – occupy my personal sanctuary. I create my own landscape, unlike the one built by the unrelenting, pulsing society. Yet this place is undefined and unclaimed. It hides me and at the same time reveals me to what I am, without outside influence.
With my eyes closed, I return to me, but I wonder where that is.

WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES
Scheduling too much time in the synthetic,
False demands deplete my reserves and withhold depth,
Like spinning at a different pace than the natural world,
Not against it, no, just a separate rhythm causing friction,
Friction that burns, but gratefully, not beyond recognition,
I can still see traces of the organic inviting me back - when I close my eyes.
When I close my eyes, I return to where we first met, 
Where the river was so deep it overwhelmed and calmed us,
Where we laughed away the dew that coated our path,
When I close my eyes, I can see falling leaves measuring time,
Where the trees seemed lonely but gave perfect company,
Where I didn’t need to shut my eyes to shut out the world,
Where I was grounded, not ground down to crumbs,
When I close my eyes, I can return, temporarily, a lifeline 
until my body moves among the green and the undisturbed snow,
I’m re-introduced to the power of the clouds and the tickle of the forest breeze,
I’m almost there, until then,
I close my eyes.

B.Toner February 2022