Compromised by Design
It’s natural to recognize and appreciate the extreme moments in my life. Powerful memories are tied to perfect sunrises and rolling thunder storms. I recall raging snow squalls that cut power, forcing us into candlelight and cuddles. I can list pivotal moments from the self-induced, silent retreats to the rowdy laughter of friends spilling over celebrations. These souvenirs pull at my heart and make me smile or sigh long after the events are over.
I wonder about those times in between though. What was I doing on those starless nights? Why can’t I recall details from my daily commute? I recollect very few seamless, grey days. As a young student, I remember the ups and downs on the school yard, but hardly any math lessons. I understand the continuity of life, but I have no markers for those ordinary experiences. They simply slide, one after another, unnoticed until the next spectacle.
I admit, I can’t possibly maintain a constant state of mindfulness. No one has the cerebral energy for that persistent level of focus. My limited brain cells can barely remember my computer passwords. Nevertheless, I feel asleep between bookends.
My mind compromises: survive by dismissing the ordinary so to relish the short-lived, emotionally-charged experiences.
The only strategy I can think of to combat this innate habit, to remember the in-between moments is to reflect on what I was doing before the momentous occasions. What did I do after the milestones? I could try exercises that help anticipate or debrief.
Even so, I wonder how many of life’s moments are hidden or lost in the mundane?
Compromised by Design
Between the scenic snowscapes and the fields of colour, a lifetime of moments move forward: unremarkable
Between hypnotic moonrises and majestic sunsets, routines of survival play out: ordinary
Between knots of trauma and loops of laughter, strings of necessity stretch on: slacking
Between festive feasts and burning famine, meals digest to satisfaction: palatable
Humans, compromised by design
Spectacular memories blur the everyday. Unforgettable fevers ignore the mundane. Life’s majority forgets through practice. Middle survives only to live on the edge.
Brian Toner August 2020