He didn’t say it bothered him. His breathing generously gave it away.
This September man, sensing shadows from October.
Lately, he settled comfortably into contradictions, sleeping through fireworks and frowning at sunshine.
Too fast! Precious moments needed simmering.
Agonizingly slow! No spare hours wasted in waiting.
At this point, he understood the human heart.
Unlike the youth, knocking into each other and
judging by the measure of a heart beat.
Now, he recognized context, loyalty, exceptions.
Now, no tolerance for the ignorant,
For those blind to the pain cracking over the faces of friends.
At last, he could bathe in the ripples of joy, confined to silos.
He was crusty.
Crusty, coated in melted butter.

B.Toner. March 2023

We do so many things to keep the business, the family, the relationship rolling. So many of them go unnoticed. Knowing that our acts contribute to the success can be enough for us to repeat them. So we continue in the role, unseen and unrecognized.

I’m not questioning the significance our small parts play. They are the cornerstone of big potential. “There are no small parts, only small actors” said Stanislavski. I can align my motivation with that philosophy most of the time. Although, I also like to shine, if only for a moment. Sometimes, knowing we donated in a small way feeds contentment. At other times, we need more than that to acknowledge these minor, but crucial pillars: a nod, a knowing wink, a thank you, a smile, a hug.

Most of us will participate without it. How much more enjoyable the experience when it’s identified?

Tent pegs bracing the big top,
Question mark’s round, bottom drop,
Bony knuckles and knobby knees,
Inferred clauses and silent “e”s

The silent rest beat before the song,
The fork’s second and third tongs,
Sturdy curtain rods and caster wheels,
Foamy shaving cream, banana peels,

Car tire treads and air nozzles,
Hardy hair in ears and schnozzles,
Shiny eye teeth and washer rings,
Secondhand marks on antique things,

While un-appreciation takes its toll,
Thankless assignments play big roles,
Invisibles attend to unavoidables,
Smile muscles help finance valuables.

B. Toner March 2023

This month, I’m going to exercise everyday. I’ve made statements like that regularly before today. It’s one of a long list of promises or commitments that I make to myself, only to fall short time and time again. I’ m going to stay away from chocolate cookies. I’m going to finish that novel. I’m going to be organized for tax season.

In fairness, sometimes I do succeed in sticking to goals: flossing, calling loved ones, eating a salad. In the spectrum of non-commitedness, (Is that even a word?) I most likely fall in the lower half.

I do admire those who can set a target and remain on course. They accomplish so much while they make it look easy.
What separates us in these areas of focus and perseverance? Habits? Misdirection? Genetics?
Admittedly, pondering doesn’t help me check things off my never-ending list. I wish there was a support group for “non-committers”. Then again, members would probably not follow-through with setting up regular meetings.

JUST SOUTH OF COMMITMENT 

When random moods melt granite resolve,
When grindstone bumps noses out of joint,
When straight lines are dotted, leading from point “A” to minor ‘a”,
I’m standing just south of commitment.

When goals over jubilate the starting line,
When time moves the end zone and puts a full Nelson on determination,
When talents for avoiding tarnish the golden destiny,
I’m standing just south of commitment.

When double vision causes indeterminate consequences,
When high energy is distracted by fingertip grips,
When the ladder’s first rung is seduced by inertia,
I’m standing just south of commitment.

B. Toner, March 2023