If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know that I regularly write about my efforts to self-improve. Although expert opinions may vary, I’m not obsessed with it. I have my goals and insecurities, like many of us. Often, these influence the direction of my next project or reading. Among the numerous quests to refine myself is the aspect of striking a healthy balance between my perceived current state and my steps to the better me. How’s that for meta-cognition!
What always strikes me as funny is the difference between what I think I represent in the world and what I actually do. My voice, my physical presence and my philosophical stance are not manifested as I thought. (See previous entry “As the Mirror is my Witness”)

Perhaps other people’s interpretations are more accurate and less bias. Then again, maybe they’re just different interpretations. Do I aim to align myself closer to their vision or closer to the one I want to exhibit? For which one do I strive?
Either way, I’m a work in progress; a journey to authenticity.

Me, Myself or I

Moment to moment, I’m not who I thought I would be.
Only in hindsight do I recognize myself as who I was.
The inaccuracies: chuckle-worthy.
A canyon stretches between who I envision, who I enact.
Why am I not me?
Shadows of me unescorted by precision,
Vivid imaginings,
Lack of facts,
All merge delaying self-realization.

You, you can see me then and now.
You know context before I filter.
Your eyes on me, for me, mark reality,
Aligning me to myself.
The should be I,
The me I am.

B.Toner  February 2023