If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know that I regularly write about my efforts to self-improve. Although expert opinions may vary, I’m not obsessed with it. I have my goals and insecurities, like many of us. Often, these influence the direction of my next project or reading. Among the numerous quests to refine myself is the aspect of striking a healthy balance between my perceived current state and my steps to the better me. How’s that for meta-cognition!
What always strikes me as funny is the difference between what I think I represent in the world and what I actually do. My voice, my physical presence and my philosophical stance are not manifested as I thought. (See previous entry “As the Mirror is my Witness”)

Perhaps other people’s interpretations are more accurate and less bias. Then again, maybe they’re just different interpretations. Do I aim to align myself closer to their vision or closer to the one I want to exhibit? For which one do I strive?
Either way, I’m a work in progress; a journey to authenticity.

Me, Myself or I

Moment to moment, I’m not who I thought I would be.
Only in hindsight do I recognize myself as who I was.
The inaccuracies: chuckle-worthy.
A canyon stretches between who I envision, who I enact.
Why am I not me?
Shadows of me unescorted by precision,
Vivid imaginings,
Lack of facts,
All merge delaying self-realization.

You, you can see me then and now.
You know context before I filter.
Your eyes on me, for me, mark reality,
Aligning me to myself.
The should be I,
The me I am.

B.Toner  February 2023

Show me the needle in the haystack
and the millisecond when turns the tide,
the world behind your words,
how to save face without pride.

Explain how to spare time without sacrifice
or to make first impressions twice.
Teach me to ignore gravity, age and taxes,
how to build castles when sand collapses.

Defend the weeds with highly developed resistance
or the sun that guards at the perfect distance.
Why are loved ones so much bigger in memory 
and why is bad luck better than not having any.

Identify for me chemicals that create loyalty, dedication,
and ideas that divide my world into nations.
What causes some thoughts to escape the subconscious 
and makes love so big, so rewarding and dangerous.

Do tell how to find Eureka!

B. Toner February 2023