I’m not usually comfortable exploring the darker places on the emotional scale. I can easily be frightened of the possible downward spiral, conjured up by my vivid imagination. (Probably why I never enjoy horror movies.) I’m slowly learning that if you ignore these shadows, they tend to grow.
My harsh words to a loved one – my clumsy tumble in front of others – my mistakes on the job that affect my co workers. Shame and guilt can build up, overlap, blurring lines and meshing them into big, ominous clouds.
Various credible authors suggests I need to spend time with these negative feelings. (Not dwell on them, but rather spend time deciphering them.)

With careful thought, I may conclude that although my words and actions have been regrettable, hurtful even, they don’t make up my entirety. My perspective, my esteem, while in these negative spaces, may be skewed. It’s possible that my wrongful words were not connected to my tumble, or that my tumble was not connected to my mistakes with colleagues. Each fall/error may not be connected, may be unrelated. Therefore, they are not so overwhelming, so all-defining. Taking the time to break down each fault may lessen their impact on me and on others. Shedding light on them breaks apart the shadow.

So maybe the sum of the parts is greater than the whole; unless your light discovers the cracks and breaks them apart into manageable mistake.

Smaller Shadows

Shame weighs down
Heavily
Robbing the dignity needed to support the spine
Twisting into the shape of self-doubt

A mess of shadows blends into a silhouette
Merging too many fractures, 
Camouflaged even from the mirror

Gasps become too desperate to hear
Blood rushing, but not to the tongue
No momentum for words to escape

Not a rescue, but a light is required
Light from anywhere on the spectrum

Exposing the seems, the cracks, 
Makes honest reflection possible 
Shrinks the sum into parts

Shining from the outside
Bleeds into the interior
Reduces the mass into minors, into manageables

Glowing warmth expands the lungs 
Makes restoration possible
Eases the shoulders into full breaths

I am not helpless in your pain
I shimmer for you stranger
Breathe with me
Break the whole dark into slivers
Slivers dulled by strong postures
Until we face the sun on our own

B.Toner Oct. 2022