In previous entries, I’ve written about perception; how I want to be perceived compared to how I may be perceived. Exploring this theme is an ever-evolving process in my human journey.
At work, I’ve built a comfortable level of confidence in my people skills and attribute some of my career successes to those abilities.
Lately though, I’m awakening to the realization that despite my diplomacy, I’m more transparent than I believed. Don’t get me wrong. I’m at ease in my purposes and conversations on the job. Perhaps though, my (long-winded) explanations in defence of my point of view or goals have been unnecessary. Admittedly, some are better than others at reading people, but it seems my basic intents and feelings are more obvious and less camouflaged.
I can give credit or blame for this inadvertent openness to both my partners in conversation and to my genuine, readable self. Both reinforce my growing belief that we are all not as good as we think at hiding feelings. I’m not certain yet, if this exposure is always a positive factor, but it influences me to remain more intentional in my professional conversations; especially during those tough talks where conflicts exist.

Perhaps when dealing with others, if I redirect the energy from trying to remain impartial and emotionally unaffected to concentrating on speaking and listening with honesty and mindfulness , I can create a better solution for all parties.

This brings me back, once again to a common theme in my writings: being more self-aware and reflective during my interactions.
No matter how well I dress up my actions (smiling to ease the news) or my appearance (does this tie match the socks?), it seems I still wear my heart on my sleeve.

Brian Toner

LOVE, SHAME, JOY, DREAD, ETC...
I skillfully select words to camouflage the rush,
My pose and gestures help distract from the blush,
Still no detours, no delays, it radiates straight from my bones,
Seeping through my armour, frost cracking stone,
There are always hints in what I bare, a glance here, a glimpse there.

Sometimes bound to this moment, a significant mark,
Linked to past seasons, layers upon layered bark,
The right melody invokes them, a traffic jam provokes them,
Feeding on my pulse, you echo them, I reject them,
Navigating an involuntary share, a glance here, a glimpse there.
Brian Toner, June 2020