I’m regularly challenged to strike a balance between comparing for motivation and comparing in envy. I live a privilege life in numerous ways, both in the tangibles and in the intangibles. Yet there are still things I long to hold, to experience and to share. Where is the healthy line?

I accept that my brain is constantly trying to make connections to every piece of information absorbed. Survival and learning depend on tying new stimuli to memories, whether in delicate or obvious ways. Comparing and contrasting are two of those essential practices. So how do I manage this comparison instrument? I’m not sure I can filter my response at the instinct level. Is that even what I want?

Sometimes, it’s only when I compare to others that I can measure my progress. Some benchmarks are paramount to my growth or to my diminishment. Was I as generous as my neighbour? Did I express genuine joy at someone’s good fortune? Do I wish that great idea had been mine so people would recognize my accompishments?

Using positive self-talk might help redirect my thoughts. Taking the time to label those comparisons may put them in perspective. Could I teach myself to embrace motivational comparisons and to step away from those originating from envy?

If I’m unable to cease the comparisons, I can name them and try to reduce the ones related to jealousy when they soak through my brain cells. I can hold off the self-judgement and try using a mental mantra to analyze the origin of each comparison. This could take time and effort.

Practice makes perfect; then again, perfection is measured by comparison.

I Walked Among Them

I walked among them last night

People of purpose

I kept silent as grass in my isolation, witnessing connections

Posing, I was hardly an obstacle on their way

I saw battles, tugging at tethers

I saw dances, stretching their strings

I walked among them last night

People of purpose

I remained confined as shadows to the light, enying dependents

Pouting, I was invisble to the determined eye

I saw offerings, shining from their structures

I saw demands, burrowing into their base

I walked among them last night

People of purpose

Brian Toner April 2019