Checkmate!

A crisp word that signals the end of a battle. Even with the exclamation point, it’s just a statement of a situation. Simple – two syllables usually pronounced with a steady voice and very little emotion; accepted by the receiver.  The game is over. Shake hands and reset the board.

To be fair, in the game of chess, I get warning signs. “Check!” My call to action; to make attempts in hopes to prevent my loss.

Would that I had those omens in life before being dealt devastating blows.

On the other hand, maybe I do receive signs, but choose to ignore them.

You’re staying up too late for too many nights. Check!

You’ve eaten too much chocolate. Check!

You’ve put off making that difficult phone call. Check!

You’ve busied yourself right out of the quality time with loved ones. Check!

Similar to chess, there’s always a strategy directing me to a victory or to a loss. Those combinations of choices that lead to consequential and not innocent circumstances: habits, decisions, responses to others.

If someone were to whisper “Check!” at the tipping point, (not a lucrative career I admit), then maybe I wouldn’t fall so hard. Having a “check”  “mate” as it were. Even in losing, maybe I would accept it better having been prepared by my check mate. Checkmate! Clear the board, move on.

The again, maybe my life is better suited to checkers.

CHECKMATE!

My kingdom fallen, helpless. Who am I, why so careless? Ran scenarios through my mind. Unexposed axes to grind. Protected my flank, kept pace. Covered my back, left no trace. Misread many warning signs. Victim of my own design. Full of doubt, correcting wrong. Now defenceless, once was strong. Battle tested, battle drawn. Scars a-plenty, injured pawn. Black and blue, no longer green. More to come, more to be seen.

B. Toner, October 2016

 

“When the leaves show their undersides, be very sure that rain betides.”

Apparently, there is science behind this old adage. It’s something about how the humidity makes the stems of the leaves pliable and more susceptible to the wind. They flip in the gusts. Soon after, the rain comes.

Contrary to nature’s way, our character’s underside is exposed during the storm instead of before those ill winds. When we or those we admire show their less desirable traits, we are disappointed. Disappointed in our vulnerability, disappointed in their realism.  People see parts that are otherwise hidden; behaviours we wish would stay that way.

On the other hand, maybe they’re not truly hidden, but ignored. Like you, I imagine many unflattering responses just itching to be expressed. After all, the underside of the leaves are always there. Depending on where we stand, we can even see them on a calm day. Our bad reactions are constantly trying to get out, just under the surface. If that’s the case, some of us show amazing self-control, containing our outbursts from day to day. We deserve a medal.

I think we need to find ways to safely release these reactions more often.We don’t want anyone harmed. If we hold off and wait for the big storm though, the damage is more severe and harder to repair. Limited exposure to our faulty parts can lower their intensity and in turn repair the damage  to our reputation or self-esteem more quickly.

Perhaps you may see my character”s underside flipped more often, but you’ll be seeing more of who I am.

Under -Over

When faltering under stress, we long to be overlooked. Instead, lesser qualities are under scrutiny. We feel over exposed. Over time, few understand we are under the influence of overwhelming odds. Our underneath is unearthed. We under estimate the public cost of falling. Glossing over our reputations becomes over priced.  We begin over thinking everything; perceiving ourselves under appreciated. We hope to sweep it under and start over.

B. Toner September 30, 2016